This Lil Piglet

Why I’m Glad I’m not a Dad

We Moms complain all the time about how much better Dad’s have it. They get to skip stretchmarks, morning sickness, labour pains, and usually get more sleep, exercise and free time than we do. But in many ways, Moms are winning at the game of Parenthood.
In honour of Father’s Day, I thought I’d emphasize some of the reasons why Dads don’t have it so great. Items are not listed in priority (although #1 is first for a reason).

Why Being a Dad Sucks:
    1. Dads have to kill Spiders.

 

    1. It seems Dads may biologically have a higher sensitivity to poopy diapers.

 

    1. Crap-tacular Father’s Day Gifts. In our three years of Parenthood, I’ve gotten flowers, spa treatments and diamonds on Mother’s Days past. He has gotten crafts, wet with glue, a coffee mug, and socks.

 

    1. No hormonal scapegoat. When he acts like an irrational B*tch, it’s all him. When I do it, it’s because I’m emotionally and physiologically complex.Β 

 

    1. Hormones, continued. Because Dads don’t experience the hormonal surges that Moms do, he will never experience the breathtaking cathartic release that occurs when Merlot, chocolate, “The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood,” and the right time of the month combine in a perfect frenzy of feminine angst.

 

    1. If there’s three in the bed, and the little one says, “Roll over, roll over..,” Dad’s the one on the couch.

 

    1. Sympathy weight gain through Mom’s pregnancy that he can’t melt off breastfeeding.

 

    1. Having to walk the fine line that is “protective father of teenage daughters,” and “homicidal maniac killer of teenage boys.”

 

    1. No maternity sweatpants from last pregnancy for thanksgiving dinners.

 

    1. One too many drinks with the guys at a sports bar lands him in the dog house, but no one bats an eye when Mom comes home from bookclub a little tipsy.

 

    1. Former Man Cave = Kid’s playroom. Formal living room = necessary for entertaining guests. Mommy win.

 

    1. Pre-fatherhood hobbies like camping, wall climbing and fishing are perfectly kid-friendly, family affairs. But no one expects Mom to include the kids while she drinks wine in the bathtub and listens to Alanis Morissette.

 

    1. Post pregnancy wardrobe: an obvious necessity for Mom. Dad’s still wearing college T’s.

 

    1. Didn’t have to endure the Miracle of Birth, but did have to witness it, pretend it was beautiful, and suppress all memory of the event in order to resume a happy sex life.

 

Yup, sucks to be you, Daddy-o’s. Sorry about that.
And for all you do, thanks. Any fool can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a Dad.
Happy Father’s Day.
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Author Bio
Katie Bickell lives in Sherwood Park Alberta with her firefighting husband Freddy, their gorgeous daughter Cailena, and a mischievous Beagle named Tweak. The Bickell Family is also excitedly awaiting the arrival of their second child in October 2011. Katie is a full time mom, owns and operates an acredited family day home, and writes as often as she can. Katie enjoys reading, hot yoga, baking, gardening, good food, great friends, and, when not expecting, the occasional glass of vino. You can learn more about Katie on her blog, Young Mum, at http://youngmum-katiemul.blogspot.com

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