When do You KNOW Your Family is Complete?
I started my family in my early 20’s, having 3 kids in under 3 years. Looking back it seemed hard and I wonder sometimes how I had the energy for all that I did with 3 little kids in tow. I remember being more than done having kids based on the circumstances. Financially, having 3 kids in diapers, formula, baby food and the constant growing out of clothes, 3 children was more than enough.
Now that I am in my 30’s and remarried to my soul-mate under much different circumstances and many happy memories of my children maturing, my opinions on being done having children changed. My husband hadn’t any children of his own from his previous marriage and treated my 3 kids as if they were his own but he missed their younger years and had always longed to experience having a baby and the experiences one brings to a family. Our latest addition was born in May of 2010 and has brought enormous joy to this family, my 3 older kids just adore her, something we would not have experienced if I had not changed my mind on my family being complete.
Our Baby Girl is a year and a half now and we have been discussing the possibility of one last child, a sibling to our 4 other children but one closer in age to our youngest. My husband really wants one more but I am on the fence about this decision. Sometimes I think I would like one more and other times I feel like I am done having kids. There are a few factors that I constantly consider, making me teeter back and forth on this decision:
- First and foremost, I am turning 35 in June and I always had this age in my mind as the cut off for having children. Statistics say that after 35 women are less likely to become pregnant and if they do, have a higher chance of having a baby with defects.
- We are currently building a house, are not moved in yet and life has been total chaos for the past year because of it. We are hoping to be moved in by Christmas but just when things settle down and we can start enjoying it, do we immediately start trying to conceive given my age. I have barely spent alone time with my husband since the birth of our last daughter.
- With 3 older kids that constantly require transportation to school everyday, not to mention any activities they might partake in in the future, is this fair to our baby girl, let alone another new baby or is this something large families just get used to?
- I found it much harder to get my pre-baby body back; it was easier to accomplish in my 20’s. Energy levels are not as they once were either.
- As hard as it is to talk about, my labido just isn’t as much as it was before baby girl was born. Partially it’s because of the energy having a young child requires, waking through the night and so on, and partially it’s because we have been busy with other things, such as the house. By the time Hubs and I have alone time, I’m exhausted. Having another child will surely lesson our intimate moments.
- My mother had her last child (my youngest brother; 9 years difference between us) when she was 35 and because of the age difference he was much like an only child; us 3 older siblings are not as close to him. Because of this my mother regrets not having one more child for him to play with and grow up with. By the time he was old enough to remember, I was into my preteen years and although I tried to spend quality time with my little brother, I had other interests as any preteen would. I worry about this with my own children because it’s almost exactly the same scenario.
- We have everything we need for another baby and our vehicle is still large enough for one more without anymore additional costs.
At moments I find myself talking myself out of having another child and others I yearn to hold a newborn in my arms. Already a toddler, baby girl is not such a baby anymore; time goes too fast. Making the decision of if my family is complete or not is a decision that will be made in the next few months. It’s not a decision I’m looking forward too because it is a hard one and a final one as permanent birth control options have and will been considered.
I’m curious to know: How and when do you decide your family is complete? Join the conversation and be entered to WIN the designer handbag of your choice (Up to a $500 value) from Essure!